With Super Tuesday behind the nation and only more election news to come, President Obama has started the process of hugging every single American goodbye as soon as he can. This will be a truly emotional farewell, which is why the president has insisted that everyone, no matter how big, small, or Republican, will receive a heartfelt bon voyage from the commander-in-chief himself.

“My job as the president is to unify a nation. But sometimes, I felt it was the nation who unified me,” said a teary eyed President Obama to Keith Wilmot in Albion, New York. Upon finishing his seven-page goodbye, speaking of how Keith’s work in the glass factory embodies the American spirit and how he hopes that every time he looks in that glass he sees a hero’s reflection, the president took Keith in his weathered arms and hugged him good. Keith then told reporter that “I may have been restrained by his arms, but somehow it was the freest I ever felt.”
Obama Goodbye Hug Inline
“I want you to know that I love you, just like I love every American. On a national average, you may all be bordering obesity, but I know that’s just your big hearts pressing down on the scales,” was found on a note attached to every box of assorted heart shaped chocolates the president insisted on giving to the residents of Wyoming.
In Alaska, tear jerking goodbyes have been reported, many citizens being seen with frozen checks from their once hot tears they didn’t dare wipe away. In California, the president told reporters that some hugs might last upwards of five minutes, with on fond embrace lasting a touching, unbroken hour. In Boston, the rough and tough town notorious for it’s steely grit, the president broke many a Bostonian’s emotional silence, with more than one quoted saying, “Don’t go Barry. Don’t go into that quiet night.”
“I may be a staunch conservative, NRA member, and own the emailNObama4Me@yahoo.com, but when that liberal son of a bitch told me he’s happy I’m me and not someone else, I’ll be damned if I didn’t hold onto him for dear life, hoping to squeeze four more years out of his tender torso,” said Frank McKenzie, who the president promised to “grab a brew and watch the Niners game with sometime soon.”
Though there remains most of a nation to hold close, president Obama seems only grateful and determined about the road ahead. “America needs a leader, but it also needs a hug,” he commented while staring into the sunset, a single tear rolling down his caring face, only to be wiped away in the embrace of another patriot.